Thursday, January 29, 2015

Juggling all these first world problems

*disclaimer* I have a pretty good life, as I am often reminded. I know I have it good and that it could be much much worse...but does that mean I have to be happy if I feel like I'm stressed or overwhelmed? I mean, I am grateful, but I'm not happy as often as I'm supposed to be.

For me:
I need more yoga
I need more meditation
I need more wine nights
I need to write daily
I need more girlfriends
I need more sleep
I need more bubble baths
I need to be creative
I need order in my home
I need pretty surroundings
I need more sunshine
I need barefoot in the grass time
I need to work out at home
I need more gym time
I need more books
I need more of the things that make me feel happy (jamberry, candles, art, sweaters, clothes that make me feel sexy and pretty, shoes, lotions, home decor)
I need more hippie things
I need more tattoos
I need to travel
I need hikes
I need lakes and canoeing
I need to LIVE

As mom:
I need to teach the kids
I need to play with my kids as much as the other moms do
I need to snuggle more
I need to yell less
I need to dress the kids up
I need to talk less, listen more
I need more dance parties
I need more family game nights where games get finished
I need to provide adventures and vacations
I need to expose them to more of the world than our home and school
I need to be pretty, strong, wise, comforting, loving, smiling, motherly
*I* need the kids to listen so we have time for this stuff

As girlfriend:
I need to nag less
I need to listen more
I need to be mindful of personal space
I need to bitch less
I need to be more grateful and say thank you more
I need to expect less
I need to give more backrubs
*I* need more romance, dates, intimate loving truly personal moments

As housekeeper:
I need to keep the floors sparkling
I need to keep surfaces clear and clean
I need to know where everything belongs and where it is
I need to keep dishes washed
I need to keep clothes wrinkle free and easily accessible
I need to keep toilets germ free
I need to keep everything stocked and ready to use
I need everything to be "company ready"
*I* need very little here, just some days off

As babysitter:
I need to teach life skills and academics
I need to make healthy meals and snacks
I need to provide large motor and small motor activities and crafts
I need to be patient and kind
*I* need to not overstep or get overwhelmed

As an aspiring doula:
I need a car
I need to find a babysitter, and a backup, and a backup, and a backup
I need to enroll
I need to jump in
I need to keep learning
I need practice
I need to consider everything, determine my value, and start a real business
I need a name, a logo, a website...real ones
*I* need to be a doula, I have never felt more passionate about anything

As a friend or family member:
I need to remember birthdays
I need to send cards
I need to call
I need to provide laughs or shoulders as needed.
*I* need my friends to come to me and bring wine and laughs, music and joy

I have a lot to juggle, and while it may seem that being a sahm means nothing but downtime and I have all the time in the world...what it really means is that I have to hold the world up and be grateful. Sometimes its not easy to do that. I just need to breathe and figure out how to fit all of this stuff into my days, my weeks, my years. I need a plan.