Friday, July 4, 2014

My Reaction to the "shocking misogynist attacks Feminism, defends rape culture" video

A new friend posted this video on his wall and welcomed rebuttal. Claiming it was a silly title but had excellent points therein...so, coffee in hand, pen and paper along for the ride, I gave it a look see. I will warn you, it is an hour long, and even thougt it left me with many questions, and I didnt agree with ALL of it, I do recommend you watch it! Without further ado, here is the video, followed by my notes/thoughts, please feel free to give me any answers you have and ask any questions that this leads you to. I want to reiterate that I dont proofread or check grammar...Im a busy mama! 

My Rebuttal:

*women are in control and are the teachers, what are they teaching? Religion, the true evil here. Is there anything more misogynistic than most religions? *he isnt what I would call a misogynist, he's more like me, a humanist.

 *without father figures, there is no physical help with the children, no example of how to treat women, the tired, stressed, resentful, overworked mothers....the kids pick up on those emotions as well. And this is in an ideal single mother setting, that doesnt involve hard drugs, etc.

 *It would only take 5 years yes, but when should that begin? when will there be a break in the cycle so that we can all be stepford wives? when will all men who take off, stay and raise their kids and contribute to the homes so that all the mothers can become stepford wives? what of all the military wives and children? what should we do in the meantime while we wait on this five years to begin?

 *promiscuity isnt a problem...is it? I see nothing wrong with it so long as its consensual and responsible. 

*both parties should be choosing each other in a dating situation. once a commitment is made, shouldnt it be honored despite who took the initiative to ask the other to fuck?

 *the quality of offers made to women by men is generally severely lacking!!! 

* Yes, we get to decide who ultimately puts their dick in us (in standard cases). But, I think its safe to assume that in the majority of cases, most people are on their best behavior when they first meet someone else and that there should be room allowed in his argument for people to show their true colors later and for that to not be okay.

 *its not like test driving, unless its a car sold by Harry Wormwood

 *do women actually blame all of lifes problems on the guy she chose, or the relationship which evolved once everyone stopped being on their best behavior?

 *as a general rule, women work harder at making the best of relationships, they stick it out longer and put up with more..they settle for less

. *if a woman finally says "I've given this guy years of my life, I savored every shred of good and settled for that, and I've worked on myself to make him happier, its not really been worth my time and energy" then is that the same as blaming the man? This is what most women do, we are sentimental creatures who are always looking for hope, we hate it about ourselves. Is the time given worthy of her decision? *the "micro aggression's" are not a learnt behavior, no mother or teaching woman is showing these boys to cat call and grab ass...women may have taught them aggression, but they did not teach them to rape. Women should be able to expect men to control themselves. Innocent women shouldnt have to be subjected to mens impulses just because the guys mommy wasnt nice to him. If we are talking about affects of childhoood being an excuse, then he should discuss what affect being molested or raped as a little girl should have and what all evils women should be able to use it as an excuse for... 

*Single moms are selfish and abusive for not giving their kids away to a broken system? how can he criticize the moms who use daycare (I am troubled by its effects too), but then suggest that single moms should truly abandon their kids to the system and the hope that they may (with luck?) be adopted into a good home, as though that is better? It just doesnt make sense.

 *How would a kid abandoned deemed to live in the system (they dont all get adopted) fair? future rapist?? How many get raped or molested while in foster homes?

 *He is blaming women for not making men stay to raise the kids...even stating that women ran them off (because again, he has no control over his own actions...), but he isnt holding the men accountable at all. Mom wants baby..dad doesnt...dad leaves..mom keeps baby, which makes her selfish and abusive no matter how much she loves the baby...dad is free to go..mom shouldnt be able to force dads involvement monetarily because she didnt keep her legs closed. But what if (and this isnt a stretch) dad was a liar and made her think they would stay together, then dad knocked her up, and then bailed....

 *circumcision is often done so "he will look like dad", which takes dads feelings into consideration, but not childs feelings. Another example of women being subservient to the dad and to again, religion.

 *I love that he is an ap parent and is against helicopter parenting. 

*my body, my choice- varies based on the situation and is a slippery slope. You have to apply it to abortion, and to circumcision and gender reassignment surgery and on and on...

 *I love how anti-circ he is and that he openly calls it gender mutilation!

 *he says something to the effect of consequences of mistakes including giving a child up for adoption and how its "hellishly easy" to escape those consequences...now, I'm not sure if I mean to praise single moms, but I certainly respect them immensely, because it IS in fact extremely difficult to raise children. Hell, its incredibly difficult for ME AS A STAY AT HOME MOM. To do it as a single mom is infinitely harder-and while welfare makes it easier financially, ultimately it would be much much easier with a man or partner there to help with all of it. The partner should be responsible for his mistakes which led to the kids that mom loved enough to keep, and dad didnt love enough to not bail on. However, generally he is a deadbeat, making it harder for mom and the kids...whatever happened to dad being partially responsible for putting a condom on? Sure she should have enforced it...but its his dick, he took the risk too, and he didnt even pull out..so he shouldnt get to just walk away and not be accountable. She stepped up.

 *if mom HAD put the boys up for adoption instead of being a single mom, then the child would still have a sense of "she didnt want me" and how many of them would still be rapists and how many of them would later be control freaks in relationships who tried to make "her want me"?

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Spot cleaning carpets by a self-proclaimed barefooted cheapskate

Beige carpets are gorgeous....if you dont have kids. I've seen examples on line, of luxurious, neutral toned carpeting that span wall to wall and give the room a warm, creamy feel of comfort. Lovely beige carpet in rooms like this one, from http://chaletdevelopment.com/
Farmhouse Bedroom by Denver Architects & Building Designers Chalet

Or this one, from markteskeyarchitecture.com
And theres even some kid free individuals who are brave *aka: crazy* enough to make beige carpet work under a table....*cough cough* www.michaelabrams.com
Traditional Dining Room by Chicago Interior Designers & Decorators Michael Abrams Limited

For the rest of us however, we get this every few months. It doesnt take long.

 

So, we have to clean them. I am very fortunate that I can drive a few minutes down the road and steal my moms shampooer whenever I need to, I know not all of you can do that. Even with the shampooer though, there are some stains that are just stubborn. I have tried vacuming more often, and having us take our shoes off...but we are barefooted hippies...it gets messy anyway. So, I went to the store and started browsing the carpet cleaners....boy howdy those chemicals are super expensive! There is no way I am spending $15 on a bottle of carpet powder!!! I'm way too cheap for that! So to google I run, and in some obscure forum, somewhere, that I cant remember...I find a tip. Its cheap...so cheap it stands out to me like a beacon of hope...a jewel! However, some things are too good to be true so I decide I will try it, but I will spot test it first, we do rent. Turns out, that it works like a charm! So, heres how I clean my carpets for roughly $4.50.
  

I get two cans at $1.50 each at the dollar store, I spray it on, gently rub it in, let it set for a bit, and then I get my lovely assistant to do a water only cycle on the shampooer....here he is in action:

 

With JUST hot water, the floors start looking like this:

He went over it again using oxyclean and water, to make sure it was all clean vs just the spots, but I would say that for the money (including the price of about a half scoop of the oxyclean), this is by far the cheapest and most effective way to clean carpets. For my crunchy friends, good ol Dr.Bronners works okay too..but not as well as this sadly. Oh well. Just rinse it a bunch of times. 


Monday, June 2, 2014

Cloth Diapering: how to do it well for cheap.

          Cloth Diapering was daunting for me, so much that I decided against it in the beginning. I despise laundry, and I am surrounded by a mountain of it at all times...the idea of adding more to that was met with a resounding no. That is until I realized how damn expensive disposable diapers are and how long they sit in landfills. So, I ran to google and started searching. You can find all kinds of helpful information about the types of diapers and on the care options of cloth diapers all over, I particularly like the group Cuties with Cloth Booties on cafemom.com and youtube. What I'm going to tell you here, is how to make a starter stash for as cheaply as possible without punishing yourself with a messy system. 
 I already had found my wipe system through trial and error...and look, I tried them all and hated them all.. the gallon pitcher, the sawed in half paper towels, the spray bottles, none of them were portable and actually cleaned. Here's what actually works: 
Get a bunch of these, or make your own....I find mine at yard sales and the dollar tree for cheap

Now, go to any grocery store or pharmacy and get yourself some handsoap in one of these bottles:

while you are there, grab some of this in whatever scent pleases you...I started with baby mild and now use almond. Do not get peppermint for your babies butt...that may irritate them a bit. You can also find this online, its about $15-$18 a bottle, but its super concentrated and that bottle will last us like 6-8 months using it as both wipes and bath soap for the baby.
Now, I add about 2 tbsp of soap to the empty and rinsed out foam pump bottle and fill the rest with water. This it completely portable, lasts a while, and is easy to use. Just squirt some foam on the rag and wipe. The foam sticks to all the poo and cleans so much better than just spray! This whole system will cost you  (taking into account that you will need to replace the soap dispenser every few months)...about...$45/yr. Comparatively, it costs about $14 for a case of wipes at walmart that will last you about a month or so.

Now: diapers.
* I've found that there are a TON of giveaways regarding cloth diapers...enter all of them :) Maybe you will win, maybe you won't, but its a free shot at a free diaper!
* newborns dont fit well in one size (os) diapers so this post wont help you much, but I personally prefer disposables on newborns for convenience. Sorry.
* If you know how to sew, you can make your own. I personally dont love daddy flats, but thats just me and my horrible experience with them.

If I were to do it again, I would invest in some prefolds...the shipping prices scared me off so I didnt with this kid, but if I were doing it again...I would. That doesnt mean I wouldnt do it the way I'm about to explain as well...it just means that I would also be using prefolds as inserts.

Okay, here is the cheapest way to cloth diaper well, to save yourself laundry time. You need:

You will need one for now, once baby starts eating solids (we did blw so around a year old) and you need to spray diapers (we use a multi-speed shower head like that one linked and its awesome) then you will want another near where you are spraying the diapers in order to transfer them to your laundry area.  You could use a nice wetbag...but we are going for cheap here people..so a bucket it is! 
The diapers I personally would use: 
A diaper cover that has flaps in the front and back, snaps, and leg gussets like this:

 There are a few options like the WolbyBug covers (pictured), Diaper Rite covers, or even some amazing ones on etsy or hyenacart (those those tend to cost a few dollars more, but for good cause, you help a mom put groceries on the table vs help some big box company).
You will need a few of these, I would say like 5-8 for a day or two, since they will wash up fast. 
And you will need inserts. This is the cheapest way to do inserts and I personally love it because it washes up super fast, requires no prep, and is basically stain proof for some reason lol. 
Go buy a few packs of these from walmart for $6/5
 (my apologies to whomever posted this pic originally)
You can also get receiving blankets from relatives/friends/yard sales/thrift stores for super cheap or even free. These are your inserts and you will need a LOT of them. At least one per diaper change. So go with 24-36 for 2 days worth in the beginning months. 
 You just fold up the towel (you can fold up a wash rag in thirds and put it under the towel if you want for extra absorption) and lay it in the cover and snap it onto baby. When its time to change the kiddo, you unsnap, wipe baby using rag and foam, throw the rag in with the diapers in the bucket, throw the insert in the bucket too and put another insert in the cover (you can wipe it out, and if its messy just use a new cover) and snap it back on the baby. 
You're probably wondering what to do if the bucket is messy (rinse it in the bath tub until you can afford a pail liner) or what to do when you are out and about...Some people collect wetbags..and that's great...but I am cheap so I just use these: 


You just throw the messy inserts in there and dump them into the washer later. 

There is another option for inserts that cost a little more, but is one of the better options, you can join a co-op on facebook and get some charcoal bamboo inserts for a little over a dollar each in most cases. They are super absorbent after prepping them!!! 

Now if you plan to cloth diaper at night, I cant recommend wool strongly enough. I was afraid of it until I looked into it. Care is easy, and honestly, after making my own wool wraps (I tried a few tutorials and they never fit right) I never had a leak! I had to make it huge and add an extra layer to the wet area so that it would fit well when it shrank, but it was awesome! I also recommend woolie pants if you can make your own or know someone who will make them for the cost of the yarn. Wool doesn't have to be expensive, just go to goodwill and get a sweater that is 80% wool or more. I prefer mine lanolized, but you really don't even HAVE to do that. 

On the off chance your baby gets a rash, do not use any commercial brand cream, it will destroy the diapers (kind of how fabric softener does!), we have had great success using baking soda baths, fresh air, breast milk, more fresh air, and coconut oil. If you start noticing reoccurring rashes, change your wipe foam...then strip your diapers.

So, there you have it, the cheapest way to cloth diaper easily! If you have any questions, just drop them in the comments section. 





Sunday, May 18, 2014

No More Acne Products!!!

     Last week I touched on acne products and how you shouldn't keep buying them. I didnt go into further explanation because having suffered from acne for a chunk of my life, I wanted to help you fight it....EASILY. Its amazing how easy it actually is. I wish someone had told me sooner.

     So, here's a little background. I come from a parent who suffered horrible acne so I knew I would at some point probably bear that curse as well, so I started washing with clean and clear when I first started showing signs of puberty...and that made it so much worse somehow. I now know that I personally just cant use that brand, but at the time it sort of got the ball rolling. I didnt know anything about using a moisturizer, and so I would scrub my face and exfoliate and use pore strips and mint masks and on and on...at one point I was scrubbing my face daily with this:



Let me tell you, that wasn't fun, nor was it actually helping. If anything it was exacerbating the problem, because I would strip of the dead skin and all of the oil in my skin, but I wouldnt do anything after that. I still have scars all over from my "wear a t-shirt to the pool" acne days thanks in large part to popping them and to that cleaning method. I was told not to eat sugar and milk and fried foods and blah blah blah....let me jump ahead here to what actually works.

1) Eat Well. I cannot tell you how much better you will feel, how much clearer your skin will be just by getting enough water everyday, getting enough rest (on often cleaned pillowcases!!!! acne sufferers should wash their pillow cases at LEAST weekly...more often if you can!), and eating real, whole foods. You could spend an entire day pinning smoothie recipes on pinterest, and in fact, I hope you do take some time to do that since homemade smoothies are an incredible way to pack a lot of nutrients into one cup! There are oatmeals and paleo meals and on and on pinned there that are very healthy and easy. Its a great way to keep your whole body running great! On that note, talk to your dr about doing a detox...do detox baths (unless you are pregnant or nursing), to help your body start with a clean slate. Then eat more fruits and veggies than anything, avoid starches and sugars, take a daily probiotic, and you will look and feel better. Honestly, I could write an entire blog just on eating better..but I will spare you for now.

2) Magic Face Treatment. So I recently was just wasting time on pinterest (have you noticed how much I love that site yet?) and found this:
(you can find that girl on instagram or you can click that picture to go to the original pinterest link)

I decided to try it because of this picture I had found on there a while back:
So here's what I did, I ran a sink of hot water (mine is set at 140*) and put a beach towel over my head for approximately 20 mins (enough time to listen to 5 songs) so my pores would be very very open! Then I washed my face with some Dr.Bronners Castile soap and rinsed with really warm water. Then I steamed again for another song, dabbed my face with the towel and added the mask (I should mention that I added a splash of lemon juice instead of water to my mask for extra redness reduction). I got in the tub and soaked in an epsom salt&chamomile bath for 20 mins while I let the mask set. Then I rinsed it off, scrubbed down with a plain ol wash rag, and got out of the tub...and then I did step 3! 

3)The best damn moisturizer/food/body lotion/diaper cream/dandruff treatment/and 333 other uses magic potion evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
I bought this brand because it is exactly what I needed without a fancy price tag..I get it on sale at rite aid when its $12.99. It is organic, extra virgin, unrefined, unbleached, etc. 

So anyway, I got out of the tub, dried off and rubbed down with my handy dandy coconut oil. After just one week (I did it every other day), my face was almost clear! I didnt take a before pic so I'm stealing this one from google to show you what it looked like before I treated it: 
It was all over my chin and neck, around my mouth and on my forehead just like that. Not horrible compared to my past, but definitely not clear!

   I really hope this post helps everyone who reads it. If you know someone who struggles with their skin, please share this with them (privately, chances are they are embarrassed enough!). I'd love to hear if anyone tries it and what they think after doing it in the comments section :)

Sunday, May 11, 2014

I love, cherish, respect, want the world for women...so this blog will MOSTLY be directed to the younger generation of them....and moms.

I have bookoos of ideas of blogs full of silly wisdom for young girls, because there are many things I struggled with on my path to become who I am and I feel its VITAL that girls be told some of this information. Things like:

 You are beautiful, I dont care what size you are, how big your boobs are, how gangly your legs are...at least 3 people in this world think you are gorgeous...and you will soon discover that its more than 3 of us!

Stop buying face wash, after years of having horrible horrible horrible acne on the vast majority of my body, I can tell you that you are doing it wrong! Stop buying acne products! I will expand on this later!

Google Red Tent Movement, find one near you...connect with those women and go to a tent! They may look like a bunch of hippie freaks, but they are deeply connected with having been where you are and have successfully moved themselves through life towards a very confident and happy place as a woman, the support you will find there is beyond measure!

Tell your mom thank you, I know that I personally found this very very hard to do, and still occasionally struggle with letting go of our differences and our very turbulent past in order to thank her...but I do thank her, because she did the best she could with the information that she had at the time. No matter how much of it wasnt "good", she tried...I didnt come with instructions and I am a huge pain in the ass, even now...raising me must have been a tough and thankless job. You, young reader, have no idea what all your mom went through to get you where you are now, so for all the nights that she sat up with you while you had coughing fits, for all the fevers, and the times you told her that you hated her, for the times when she told you to go play so she could regain her sanity and not actually murder you or sell you...she deserves a Thank You. So just say it...even better, buy a thank you card and MAIL it to her. She gets nothing but bills and junk mail, a thank you card would make her cry lol. Add a handprint for extra tears, we are a sucker for the reminder that you were once teeny tiny.

Dont kegel, just dont. Do squats instead. You dont even need to do a ton a day, just a few...knees behind your toes at all times, back straight, core tight....squat!

Dont hate adults who try to help, do you know who takes time out of their lives to help teenagers? Adults who were total shit head teenagers...because we get it, we understand, when no one else does...we do! Trust me, we've struggled a LOT in our lives...and we really just want you to know that you dont have to feel so alone, it doesnt have to feel like life is kicking your ass, and most importantly...its soooooo temporary, so let us help you over the "humps" til you get your shit together. I drove past some community center for youth yesterday that had some desperately cheesy and hopeful name and I wanted to gag..I remember seeing those signs and the angst I felt, then I realized that I wanted to pull in and volunteer...wtf???? oh yeah, its because I get it! I see now how shitty it felt to have it forced, but I also now get why they force it..because theres actually a light at the end of the tunnel...THERES A FUCKING LIGHT!!! Dont forget it!

Drink Red Raspberry Leaf tea if you have cramps like a mother! I wish someone had told me sooner! Its yummy and works like a miracle!

Question everything, learn as much as you can, and write everything down...journal daily.

Wear pants that fit and flatter your body, even if the size isnt what you want it to be, trust me when I tell you it looks a hell of a lot better than squeezing into pants that make you look like a busted can of biscuits. Oh and no one knows what size you wear except you, and guess what, there's no law saying you have to tell anyone either.

Want to be thin despite all my accept yourself speeches? Then you need to decide right now to make a lifestyle change and do 3 things: eat clean, do 20 mins of cardio a day, and do exercises that target your whole body.

You need to know something very important too: dont wash with anything other than regular (NOT antibacterial) soap and water, everyone has nipple hair...we pluck it, its okay to shave or not shave...what do YOU want??? Ive never had anyone turn me down just because I didnt shave, no one has ever complained at all actually... Oh yeah, that reminds me, its okay to have lots and lots of sex and with lots of people or with just one...its your choice because its your body, but remember 3 things:
1)be safe, always be safe...I know condoms arent as much fun, but you really dont want to be a full time mom yet and you really dont want hpv. So just be safe!
2)the person you are with is very very highly unlikely to be the same person you are with in a year, much less 5 or 10 years...just think about that before you go making big promises or believing big promises.
3) do you know what an o face looks like? its not pretty 90% of the time, whomever you are letting "diddle you" is going to see your o face if they dont suck too much...they are going to see you at your most vulnerable state, and you get to decide if they are worthy of that...not them, not your mom and dad, not your best friend...YOU. NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE IN CHARGE, you and only you can say yes, and you can say no!!! Rape is a very real thing, and boys are not taught not to rape...so you have to put your foot down and make sure you make yourself heard if they even attempt to do something you dont want. Learn self defense and beat the shit out of anyone who doesnt take no for an answer.

okay, my daughters need their mom now, so I'm going to run...but please know that I am here if you read this and realize you need a friend. :)

oh and be a good person. Just be a good person, you dont have to be perfect, but dont be shitty to people.