It has come to my attention that women feel so indebted to men, in general, that we have convinced ourselves (and subsequently we try to pass on the myth) that if a man doesn't hit us, or generally treat us abusively, that we should just be grateful. At some point we decided that its sufficient to find settlement with a man who doesn't make us feel loved, appreciated, respected, wanted, so long as he isn't abusive.
As women we are taught that its on us to nurture the relationships and dedicate ourselves to making things work when we find that things have slumped, or if things just don't feel..good. Its on us to stay appealing, lovable, wonderful. Women are the glue it seems. So as women, we search for answers on how to play these roles. We talk to our mothers, our friends, our mentors...we vent and look into their eyes for wisdom on how to proceed, how to make things work when they no longer feel like they are worth our energy. Time and time again we hear those words, that seem encouraging, they do, but lets be honest: this can be hurtful advice that further traps women, rather than pushing them to find answers.
Now, I am not saying that every time you have a fight that you should tuck your tail and run. No, I firmly believe in fighting for what you want, I believe in not just giving up, and that you get what you give, so you should give your all...I'm just saying that when things are more down than up, when you feel like you are hanging by a thread, when its clearly not working, and you have talked until you are blue in the face and you still aren't even close to happy...its okay to want more than "at least he doesn't hit you". Its okay to dream of somewhere that the grass is greener, so long as you know that the grass probably isn't actually any greener. Be a realist.
If you have given your guy chance after chance, if you have communicated with him and tried to make it work, and you have given him a fair chance to help you make it right...its okay to decide you want more. You deserve happiness, alone or with someone new, even if he doesn't abuse you. Maybe separating is best for both of you in the long run, or maybe there are changes you both can make to fix it, I don't know.
I can't tell you how to get where you want to be, I can't tell you what steps to take. I don't know your situation. I can tell you that you should sit down with him, and be honest with him. He's a human too. Its time to stop telling women and girls that they should stay in an unhappy relationship, just because they aren't being abused. Its okay to help remind them of the positives, but lets not focus on any sentence that starts with "at least he doesnt..."